It's surreal that you inevitably face a challenge to every standard you ever set for yourself. What is even more surreal, is that often you will go against your own set standards once they are called to court. I hate it. Paul the apostle said something that always makes me feel better, Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. That is me to a t right now.
I love my life, and I hate my life. I do everything I do for my family, my girls....but my girls make it nearly impossible to do it. They need a mom, not a student, but an uneducated broke as a joke mom...can't take proper care of them. The first time I realized I wanted to buy them the world, the world selling authority wouldn't take my check. LOL! Most days I feel like I am still 16, instead of 26, and that I am invincible. I am not invincible though, no but the total opposite in fact.
Once a friend asked me how I did it...how I went to school full time and had (then 2) children, I said I cried on Fridays ;-) he was appalled. It's how I got through the week though...by waiting til I got through the week, then cried on Friday. I am worried now, because I don't cry anymore. Maybe that just means I'm nearing the end of this educational road. 8 more classes to go, after this semester...that's it after all the brain blood, brain sweat, and brain tears...8 tiny 400 level classes...hmm
That's not depressing.... Your almost there. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThank you Joe! Sweetie that you are <3
ReplyDeleteI think this is the most inspiring thing I have read lately! You are the reason I know I can do school and have my own classroom someday. You want more and what is better for your kids and that is awesome! You are proving to your kids that hard work and perseverance WILL win the race. I don't really like Paul's writings a whole lot lately cuz he wasn't married and he didn't have kids. He was a single guy in the ministry, so what did he understand of family life? NOTHING. I am not saying of course that his messages aren't valid but that is always in my mind when I read his stuff. The Bible always talks about running the race that is set before us and I think you and Joe are doing it so well. Not beautifully or gracefully but WELL! You are running it! You will finish and when you both cross that stage and get your diplomas, all the struggles will be worth it! Anyways, that is my piece to say, take it for what its worth.
ReplyDeleteMeredith...you are my friend...and you are awesome! I always think about you when I want to burn my textbooks mid-semester :-) We can both do it if we stick together. I actually really love Paul, the last couple of years his writing bothered me so much...but I have become such a coward and I admire his raw honesty. I want raw honesty...anyway I am grateful for facebook because it helps me to feel that you aren't so far away. I love you so much my dear cousin =)
ReplyDelete