Connie is in the hospital...in case you don't know Connie, she is my 4 year old child. She developed an infection in her lungs that caused them to freeze up. We came to the ER really early Sunday morning, and here I sit, 11:56pm on Monday. I know that it hasn't even really been a long time, but it feels like eternity. Mostly it has been hard to feel torn between the baby in the hospital and the babies at home. I am right where I need to be, I know that, but it hurts to leave two little scared girls behind. My husband is amazing, but he and I have to switch back and forth so one of us is always with Connie, and one of us is always with the other two.
Anyway I need to let some of the pressure in my head out, and I am watching Grey's Anatomy...I know, stupid right? Hospital dramas are just not appropriate when you are sitting in a hospital bed. Well I was using the time to catch up on some shows...because I am too tired to read...and that is the show I was watching before all of this.
I just feel so lame because I know Connie is going to be fine. She is even so much better than Saturday...but she gets better and we think she can come home, then her oxygen saturation dips, and we are back to square one. I have slept a total of 8 hours since Saturday morning, so I think my new found emotions are exhaustion fueled. I have felt nice and numb this whole time, until now that is. Even when it is no where near as bad as some people have it, seeing your baby connected to tubes is heartbreaking. I looked at her a little while ago, and the dam burst. I cried, I just cried and hoped a nurse wouldn't find me like that. They didn't, and I put my face back together before they came in to check on her.
Well this is getting long...perhaps I will write again tomorrow. Until then...thank you for reading, it means a lot!
Awww...Honey, I'm crying right along with you! And believe me, even if the nurses do find you like that, it's okay. You're not expected to be stone-faced when your baby's in the hospital. Lord knows I've had my share of crying spells in the last few months--it's only expected from a human being! Hang in there....and remember (insert music symbol here) You'll always have my shoulder when you cryyyyy----yyyyy (insert another music symbol here!)Remember our song! Love you!
ReplyDeleteI never commented back to say thank you!!! So thank you, and I never want to go through that again!
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